Where to Live After Retirement:

You could live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are:  tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You could live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is backing out of your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

You could live in New York City where...
1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is 'nature'.
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. [Ed. note:  if you have a car]
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You could live in South Dakota where...
1. You only have four spices:  salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes must fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for deer.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with fewer than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are:  winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You could live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition:  'Where's my coat at?'
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say:  'It was different!'

You could live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

You could live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald but you still have a pony tail.

Or, you could live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names:  Billy Bob, Jimmy Jack, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Annie Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either 'in yonder', 'over yonder', or 'out yonder'.  It's important to know the difference.
6. When you leave someone’s home they say:  "Y’all come back now!"  ~~ And they really mean it!!!!