Jokes and One-Liners, Part II

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
This does not apply to women.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not your bag.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality
by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
Do you realize it may be that your sole purpose in life
is simply to serve as warning to others?
Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems.
It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Make plans to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
It is best to borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Jokes, Part I Sunny's Fun Stuff Page Jokes, Part III

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